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thomas aka jealous girlfriend // for ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
beastthatbearsme, illscreaminstead
[ Thomas won't lose Chris.
(not to Kaito)
He won't lose, and so he times things. Times it so that when Kaito is due to meet with Chris (and he knows, he always knows), he'll be entering Chris's office to find that Thomas is already there.
(already there and straddling Chris's lap, kissing him almost aggressively and sliding his hands over Chris's torso)
(Chris is his)
(he intends to make sure Kaito knows) ]
(not to Kaito)
He won't lose, and so he times things. Times it so that when Kaito is due to meet with Chris (and he knows, he always knows), he'll be entering Chris's office to find that Thomas is already there.
(already there and straddling Chris's lap, kissing him almost aggressively and sliding his hands over Chris's torso)
(Chris is his)
(he intends to make sure Kaito knows) ]
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(something shattered him, something broke him)
(V)
(no, V is the one who hit him but Chris did this part)
(this was Chris' fault)
His heart hurts.
So he kisses Thomas back as gently as he knows how.]
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right.
(this isn't the kind of kiss that marks the underground)
(this isn't the kind of kiss that will bring him sanctuary, salvation)
(that will earn him protection)
So he presses in, tries to deepen the kiss almost desperately. ]
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(he started young, just like Kaito)
(so this is his affection, too. this is his love)
He accepts it, when Thomas deepens that kiss, returns it equally. But there's no roughness to it, no biting, nothing made for a show. Nothing to counter the wounds on his neck.
(because they're the same, really, even if Thomas has love and VI has hate)
(when V hit him he remembered something, remembered the night they were going to be free, together, except when Chris came in something had twisted on his face and Kaito had left with bruises)
(he remembered that he would have hurt for him too)
When they break for air, he speaks, without pulling his body away, because there's something he's realized.]
...I want to do something for you.
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(he doesn't know how to stand on his own two feet, not any more)
(as IV, he thinks he could, but IV is
flighty)
(in his mind)
He presses himself in more closely when Kaito speaks, ducks his head down to kiss at the scratches on Kaito's neck. Like he's trying to undo what he did, like he's trying to drown his shivers in the warmth of Kaito's body. ]
What do you mean?
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When he calls you, you're always pleasing him, right?
[He doesn't know that for sure, but...he knows that their time in service hit Chris harder than it hit him. He knows that V...wouldn't remind himself of that, if he could avoid it.]
So...let me do that for you.
[He doesn't know exactly what he's trying to accomplish, with this.
(but he doesn't want him to go back to V still blind)]
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(startled)
(almost scared)
(he needs Kaito to protect him and so Kaito is the one who needs to be pleased but
he should give Kaito what he wants, shouldn't he?)
(and something like this, while they're here, here where Chris could hear...)
He shakes his head sharply. ]
Nii-sama wouldn't like it.
[ He's already displeased Chris once today. He can't...
He needs to be good, now, and then maybe-- ]
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(the fact that IV looks frightened, at that, that makes his stomach knot up)
(but he can't show that)]
...He wouldn't like it if you felt good?
[State it plain, like that. That's what Kaito does with himself. One of those things that keeps him grounded.
(because Kaito knows this isn't how things are suppised to be)
(Chris showed him, when he was still Chris, before his lessons made him V)]
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He wouldn't... wouldn't like it if I only took.
[ He wants Kaito's protection. If he were to take pleasure from Kaito, too, that... that would be too much.
(thomas can justify any pain)
(all it takes is one word from Chris, one gesture)
(one jerk of his strings) ]
I have to-- I have to give back to you.
You shouldn't encourage something like that. You don't deserve his attention if you don't know how to behave right.
[ The words are more himself, but the tone...
(it's like he's reciting something memorised)
(dancing in his sleep the steps of a dance he knows better than breathing) ]
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But Thomas keeps talking, chiding him, and his expression goes flat.
Maybe IV has had this drilled into him, maybe he thinks this is the way things work, but Kaito feels like he should know better about this. About the kind of attention Kaito gets from V.
(maybe he has empathy for him but he's not going to pretend for him)]
Deserve his...
IV, have you ever seen my back?
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Thomas. Not IV. IV isn't... here. Right now. IV is different.
[ He doesn't know how to explain it, the haziness of when he's 'IV'. when he becomes 'Thomas' again. Everything's clear, as IV, and then he's Thomas again and it's like he's lost a part of himself.
(
lost his will, his spirit)Now that he's told Kaito though, he shakes his head. Slow, hesitant. ]
But... but no, I haven't seen it.
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So he nods.
(it gets him too close, to use his real name, but if IV's not who he is, then)]
Thomas, then.
...Move for a moment so I can show you.
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(he'd always been Thomas, even when everyone had called him IV)
Kaito is asking him to move then, though, and he hesitates. He doesn't want to but--
(but he has to do as Kaito says, doesn't he?)
(disobeying was what caused this in the first place and so)
He pulls back, arms wrapping around himself as he watches Kaito closely. ]
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He turns around and tugs off his shirt.
(it's a beautiful design, really, even if it's not done)
(his number stands out, embellished like it's illuminated in a book of hymns, VI drawn out large in little white lines)
(there's part lower down on his back that's very new, if the bandages are any indication, and a few lines on his shoulder that haven't quite scarred over yet)
(a crest is laid behind the number)
(he knows it by heart)
He sits and waits for Thomas to speak.]
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(he knows that crest)
(he knows it and
he doesn't want to know it)
(because if it were just the number, then maybe-- maybe it could be someone like the customer who gave him his scar. someone who'd hurt him, someone who'd wanted to mark Kaito like Thomas was marked, but with the number. anyone from the audience would know Kaito's number, wouldn't they?)
(but the crest, they wouldn't know)
(Chris would)
(and that means--)
He doesn't speak, even though he wants to shout and scream that no, it can't be. Wants to tell himself that it's not Chris's handiwork, that he must have-- that he must have shown the crest to someone else, that it must have been somebody who knew their father, nevermind the fact that the numbers are there to stop anyone knowing who they are, aren't they?
(he can't)
(he's justified so much to himself, convinced himself of so much but
with that crest and that number laid out before him on Kaito's back he
can't) ]
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He wants to turn around but he doesn't want to face him, after this. Either he didn't know and Kaito has slapped him awake or he did know and Kaito is alone.
All he can think to do is speak. To tell him why.
He tries to keep his voice calm but there's a faint tremble in it, and his throat is too tight for it to sound normal, really.]
He told me that once it's covered all of me, I'll have finished my penance.
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(because Chris is everything)
(niisama and promoter and protector and)
(he's the one who makes it better when Thomas is hurt, he's only supposed to hurt people who are bad and IV doesn't like VI but Kaito isn't bad and even VI isn't, he's competition but he's not bad) ]
I--
Please. I don't want to see it any more.
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(although he can't really look at him right now, so he settles for staring at the floor in front of his own knees)
It takes a moment for his head to clear, for him to remember V's order.]
...he said you'd stay with me tonight.
Do you have anything to pack?
[He doesn't want to rush him to move, not now, but he also doesn't want to run over their half-hour time limit.]
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(it takes him a moment, when Kaito speaks, to even register)
(everything's hazy, like when he looks back on IV, everything's like it's happening to someone else but there's nobody else for it to happen to right now) ]
I... I don't know...
[ Everything he owns belongs to V, doesn't it?
(but...)
Dragging himself to his feet, Thomas shakes his head slowly. ]
There's... nothing I can take, of-- of his. So there's nothing to pack.
But there's... one thing I want to take. In my room. Will you come with me?
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But...if he has something of his own, that's important.
He nods.]
Yes. Lead the way.
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(he's aware of the time limit too, even if he's out of it)
Even once he gets Kaito into his own room, he doesn't relax, only moves across the room to his bed and reaches down beside it to grab at something.
(something stuffed down the side, something secret)
(it had always seemed something so childish, something he'd not wanted Chris to know about because that would mean V knowing, too)
(and so this is the one thing that belongs entirely to Thomas)
He turns, once he has the thing in hand, turning to Kaito and clutching the ragdoll to his chest. His face goes hard, almost defiant.
(daring Kaito to say something)
(this is his one thing, the thing that belongs to him and nobody else)
(so perhaps it's childish, but Thomas will fight for his right to keep it close, to not let anyone say a word against him for this one thing of his) ]
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But then he sees the doll that Thomas is holding and suddenly he turns away, his head ducks down a little.
(that one item, that comfort object)
(
IVThomas has always seemed younger than he should, and it reminds him)(Thomas' devotion to his nii-san doesn't help anything)
(it reminds him of--)]
Let's go.
[His voice is tight.
(of someone he lost)]
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(he doesn't understand)
(but he)
He reaches out, when Kaito says that. Keeps the ragdoll clutched to his chest with one hand and, with the other, grabs at one of Kaito's hands.
(he thinks on some base, childish level, that Kaito looks like he needs the comfort of that kind of meaningless, undemanding physical affection)
(affection with no layers, no implications, no lies, only the act itself)
(Thomas knows that he needs it himself, right now) ]
Can-- can we get something to eat?
[ Hesitant, quiet.
(shyness, perhaps, discomfort around Kaito even now because Kaito isn't Chris)
(or something
else)
(the faintest thought in the back of Thomas's mind, the voice that says but what about Michael and is silenced swiftly because this thought alone is bad enough, let alone--) ]
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...maybe he had the wrong idea about Thomas, at first. Maybe he judged him too harshly, because...
(because he had what Kaito used to have)
(he had Chris' love, Kaito thought, and he was jealous because that meant Chris was capable of it, too, just not for him, not for Faker's son)
(but no. Chris and V switched places a long time ago)
(V used to be the mask, right?)
He looks at Thomas and holds tight to his hand and gives him...a smile, the most hesitant and strange-looking smile, like he's forgotten how to do it and he's not sure he should. It works, other than a moment where he has to turn his face quickly away, to brush a few tears out of his eyes.]
...mm. We should eat.
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(now he has seen the mark on Kaito's back and the fact he can smile at all is important, let alone at the brother of the man who hurt him that way)
there's nothing more important.
(for that smile, and for his own sake, Thomas will)
(no, IV will)
(go through with this, will give into the voice that tells him he has to)
(because that voice is IV, isn't it? that part of Thomas that hasn't broken, that tiny ember that Kaito's presence has kindled into a candle flame, that he thinks, in time, Kaito could kindle into a roaring fire strong enough to take down all of this)
(hot enough to keep Kaito warm, in return) ]
Ah. There's a... an American place I like, a couple blocks away.
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(he considers, for a moment, whether to go back for the case with his collars)
(and then he decides)
(no)
(the next time V wants him in collars he can take them himself)
(it is a very small rebellion but he feels better for it)
...he thinks, for a moment, and he silently takes Thomas' hand again before they walk to the door. Another rebellion, of sorts.]
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