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thomas aka jealous girlfriend // for ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
beastthatbearsme, illscreaminstead
[ Thomas won't lose Chris.
(not to Kaito)
He won't lose, and so he times things. Times it so that when Kaito is due to meet with Chris (and he knows, he always knows), he'll be entering Chris's office to find that Thomas is already there.
(already there and straddling Chris's lap, kissing him almost aggressively and sliding his hands over Chris's torso)
(Chris is his)
(he intends to make sure Kaito knows) ]
(not to Kaito)
He won't lose, and so he times things. Times it so that when Kaito is due to meet with Chris (and he knows, he always knows), he'll be entering Chris's office to find that Thomas is already there.
(already there and straddling Chris's lap, kissing him almost aggressively and sliding his hands over Chris's torso)
(Chris is his)
(he intends to make sure Kaito knows) ]
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(it doesn't seem to
want to stay)
(like trying to catch water between his fingers) ]
I don't--
[ It's too far but he
shakes his head. ]
No, no. Please. Not with him.
Nii-sama, please. Please, I'm not the same as him. I'm not him, I'm not, I won't I won't I won't!
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(thomas does not deny him)
(thomas does not tell him no)
He speaks and the warmth is gone from his voice. It is sharp, cold, like cracked ice.]
You won't, IV?
[He's still smiling.
(it's not Chris' smile)
(it's V's)]
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He doesn't want to watch this.
He doesn't like IV by any means, but he knows how breakable he is and he knows that Chris breaks things when he gets angry.]
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[ It's a plea.
(for Chris, rather than V)
(he needs his brother)
He trembles in V's lap, draws in on himself. He's scared, he knows he should give in but-- but he needs Chris, he needs Chris.
Chris... Chris will understand, won't he? He'll understand why Thomas can't kneel with VI. Why it's wrong to order Thomas to do that.
(Thomas is better than VI)
(even IV would be better than VI, wouldn't he?)
He clutches at his arms, embracing himself as he shakes in V's lap.
(he's smiling, though)
(through his tears)
(Chris will understand)
(he just
needs
Chris) ]
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It's V, who raises his hand, who strikes Thomas across the face.
(he needs to learn)
(he needs to be punished.)]
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(it
hurts?) ]
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(no, V)
V hit him?
There's a long moment, where Thomas does nothing at all.
(he doesn't understand)
(why didn't Chris come?)
And then, finally, he lifts himself from V's lap. Sinks to the floor.
(but still, he doesn't
obey)
(still, he only
hides
behind Kaito)
His fingers dig into Kaito's ribs, sharp and trembling.
(he doesn't understand)
(he needs protection but)
(this is his brother)
(except not)
(why does he need protecting?) ]
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I expected better of you, Thomas.
[He walks stiffly towards the door, talks as he moves.]
He will stay with you tonight, VI, and consider his choice.
I will return in half an hour. I expect both of you will be gone by then.
[And then he's out the door and it slams shut behind him.]
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(it was easy to hate him when V seemed to love him so much)
(but now, even if it's nothing compared to what Kaito gets from him, it's)
(different.)
He turns his head to look at IV, at a loss.]
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(like he's encased in ice, like he's freezing to death)
Clinging on like this, shivering and holding back sobs while tears drip unhindered down his face, he looks younger than he is. Especially when he shifts, scrambles around to put himself in Kaito's lap the best he can manage.
(this thomas is something more broken than the one who is put out in the ring, the one who's clung to Chris in the face of competition)
(Thomas has never had to fend for himself, not really. Chris has always been there)
(he's always had Chris, Chris had been the one who he ran to as a child and the one who'd taken care of them after tou-san had disappeared and the one who'd taken care of him and hurt the people who hurt him and now--)
(Thomas has never been alone)
(and so thomas clings onto Kaito and shivers, and past the tears and the trembling he leans up to try to capture Kaito's lips in a desperate kiss)
(that's the kind of language that the underground understands, isn't it? he needs someone to look after him because he doesn't know how to even consider doing it himself any more)
(
he has to be looked after so that he's still here and alive when Chris wants him back)(
but if Chris never wants him back he) ]no subject
(something shattered him, something broke him)
(V)
(no, V is the one who hit him but Chris did this part)
(this was Chris' fault)
His heart hurts.
So he kisses Thomas back as gently as he knows how.]
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right.
(this isn't the kind of kiss that marks the underground)
(this isn't the kind of kiss that will bring him sanctuary, salvation)
(that will earn him protection)
So he presses in, tries to deepen the kiss almost desperately. ]
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(he started young, just like Kaito)
(so this is his affection, too. this is his love)
He accepts it, when Thomas deepens that kiss, returns it equally. But there's no roughness to it, no biting, nothing made for a show. Nothing to counter the wounds on his neck.
(because they're the same, really, even if Thomas has love and VI has hate)
(when V hit him he remembered something, remembered the night they were going to be free, together, except when Chris came in something had twisted on his face and Kaito had left with bruises)
(he remembered that he would have hurt for him too)
When they break for air, he speaks, without pulling his body away, because there's something he's realized.]
...I want to do something for you.
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(he doesn't know how to stand on his own two feet, not any more)
(as IV, he thinks he could, but IV is
flighty)
(in his mind)
He presses himself in more closely when Kaito speaks, ducks his head down to kiss at the scratches on Kaito's neck. Like he's trying to undo what he did, like he's trying to drown his shivers in the warmth of Kaito's body. ]
What do you mean?
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When he calls you, you're always pleasing him, right?
[He doesn't know that for sure, but...he knows that their time in service hit Chris harder than it hit him. He knows that V...wouldn't remind himself of that, if he could avoid it.]
So...let me do that for you.
[He doesn't know exactly what he's trying to accomplish, with this.
(but he doesn't want him to go back to V still blind)]
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(startled)
(almost scared)
(he needs Kaito to protect him and so Kaito is the one who needs to be pleased but
he should give Kaito what he wants, shouldn't he?)
(and something like this, while they're here, here where Chris could hear...)
He shakes his head sharply. ]
Nii-sama wouldn't like it.
[ He's already displeased Chris once today. He can't...
He needs to be good, now, and then maybe-- ]
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(the fact that IV looks frightened, at that, that makes his stomach knot up)
(but he can't show that)]
...He wouldn't like it if you felt good?
[State it plain, like that. That's what Kaito does with himself. One of those things that keeps him grounded.
(because Kaito knows this isn't how things are suppised to be)
(Chris showed him, when he was still Chris, before his lessons made him V)]
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He wouldn't... wouldn't like it if I only took.
[ He wants Kaito's protection. If he were to take pleasure from Kaito, too, that... that would be too much.
(thomas can justify any pain)
(all it takes is one word from Chris, one gesture)
(one jerk of his strings) ]
I have to-- I have to give back to you.
You shouldn't encourage something like that. You don't deserve his attention if you don't know how to behave right.
[ The words are more himself, but the tone...
(it's like he's reciting something memorised)
(dancing in his sleep the steps of a dance he knows better than breathing) ]
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But Thomas keeps talking, chiding him, and his expression goes flat.
Maybe IV has had this drilled into him, maybe he thinks this is the way things work, but Kaito feels like he should know better about this. About the kind of attention Kaito gets from V.
(maybe he has empathy for him but he's not going to pretend for him)]
Deserve his...
IV, have you ever seen my back?
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Thomas. Not IV. IV isn't... here. Right now. IV is different.
[ He doesn't know how to explain it, the haziness of when he's 'IV'. when he becomes 'Thomas' again. Everything's clear, as IV, and then he's Thomas again and it's like he's lost a part of himself.
(
lost his will, his spirit)Now that he's told Kaito though, he shakes his head. Slow, hesitant. ]
But... but no, I haven't seen it.
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So he nods.
(it gets him too close, to use his real name, but if IV's not who he is, then)]
Thomas, then.
...Move for a moment so I can show you.
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(he'd always been Thomas, even when everyone had called him IV)
Kaito is asking him to move then, though, and he hesitates. He doesn't want to but--
(but he has to do as Kaito says, doesn't he?)
(disobeying was what caused this in the first place and so)
He pulls back, arms wrapping around himself as he watches Kaito closely. ]
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He turns around and tugs off his shirt.
(it's a beautiful design, really, even if it's not done)
(his number stands out, embellished like it's illuminated in a book of hymns, VI drawn out large in little white lines)
(there's part lower down on his back that's very new, if the bandages are any indication, and a few lines on his shoulder that haven't quite scarred over yet)
(a crest is laid behind the number)
(he knows it by heart)
He sits and waits for Thomas to speak.]
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(he knows that crest)
(he knows it and
he doesn't want to know it)
(because if it were just the number, then maybe-- maybe it could be someone like the customer who gave him his scar. someone who'd hurt him, someone who'd wanted to mark Kaito like Thomas was marked, but with the number. anyone from the audience would know Kaito's number, wouldn't they?)
(but the crest, they wouldn't know)
(Chris would)
(and that means--)
He doesn't speak, even though he wants to shout and scream that no, it can't be. Wants to tell himself that it's not Chris's handiwork, that he must have-- that he must have shown the crest to someone else, that it must have been somebody who knew their father, nevermind the fact that the numbers are there to stop anyone knowing who they are, aren't they?
(he can't)
(he's justified so much to himself, convinced himself of so much but
with that crest and that number laid out before him on Kaito's back he
can't) ]
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